Jane rants..Do we really want it ALL?

I don't know about you but I am a tad fed up with the media constantly tasking women with the notion of 'having it all'.  Apart from the fact I do not really know what it ALL is, I dont' ever remember demanding this nor ever suggesting I could sustain it, if I got it!

I was under the impression that our suffragette sisters and early pioneers petitioned for the right to choose whether we pursue a career or education or whether we prefer to be a full time mother/home-maker. or god forbid, whether we choose all three!

But it would appear, if you glance at any of the mainstream press the messages are clear - as modern women we are failing as we struggle to make it all work.

Here are some examples....

Jennifer Aniston - Beautiful, elegant, bright, talented, wealthy and one of the highest paid movie/TV actresses of her generation, but poor Jennifer, according to the tabloids and magazines all she realy wants is a man and she just cannot sustain a relationship.  It is as though all her achievements are worthless because she is unlucky in love.

Cherly Cole - Down to earth Northern beauty, talented, stylish, outspoken and the lead player in one of the world's most successful girl groups ever, Girls Aloud, but poor Cheryl she cannot even keep her man from cheating on her and is under so much pressure from the media now whether she keeps him or not!

Then there's Kylie - the pop princess, beautiful, tenacious in her quest for icon status, at the peak of physical fitness despite overcoming serious health issues, well groomed at all times, a serious showgirl, but all she really wants is to have a baby with the man that cheated on her when she was ill!

And boy has there been some serious Madonna bashing in the medai this past week.  Here is the ultimate Diva, a true icon, whose dedication to professionalism is unquestionable.  The most successful female pop artist of our time, on tour and in peak physical condition at 50 - A working Mum, supportive wife, business woman, author, producer etc etc surely she has the 'ALL' the press are referring to?  But, alas, no she comes in for critisism whatever she does.  This week alone she has been accused of putting her career before her husband, being a bad mother, over-excersizing and fearing the ageing process.

Do you see any patterns here?

All these women are successful, financially independent, sassy and beautiful but clearly this is not enough? And what about the men in their life?  Why do all their relationship issues (and believe me we all have them) automatically become their fault?  What About Guy Ritchie, who it has to be said does attempt to defend his wife but the media are not interested.  What about Brad Pitt?  Why is Angelina Jolie seen as the scarlett woman and he is untouchable?  And don't even get me started on Ashley Cole!

All I ask Divas, is that we support each other, regardless of our choices.  Having it all is a red herring.  Whatever we choose is right and we need to stop striving for this unreachable, unsustainable, unrealistic and frankly unattractive media representation of womanhood.  Just be you, you are enough in every way!

Comments

[Jackie Walker]

Sound advice Jane - in my work the biggest obstacle women have to overcome is their guilt about not being perfect. I'm often saying that we are all perfectly imperfect just as we are. Providing support to one another is the most empowering tool we have to offer.

[Claire 'BlogAngel' Raikes]

Ooh Jane - I couldnt agree with you more!

Topically, there were a couple of articles in The Observer this week following newly released research from 2 sources: 1. Ruth Sealy of the International Centre for Women Business Leaders at Cranfield School of Mangement and 2. the Sex & Power survey by the Equality and Human Rights Commission.

One reports that "Women in banking jobs 'forgo having children'" (http://www.guardian.co.uk/business/2008/sep/07/banking.women ) and another how, in the fund management at least, women are performing brilliantly. (http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2008/sep/07/investmentfunds.women )

Both these reports seem to debunk the 'having it all' myth, but as you point out, surely 'having it all' is about freedom of choice.

I don't have children, am unmarried, have no employer (other than myself) and am certainly not blessed with a celeb standard body and/or face, and yet I do feel as if I 'have it all' - I'm happy, healthy, more or less solvent, free and loved!

If the media think I lie in bed at night fretting that I can't measure up to Madge, Cheryl and Jen (I don't!), then I guess they'll continue to print this kind of 'pain poking' in a misguided attempt to make me feel better about myself. Bless them! :o)

[Eloise Ansell]

Great rant Jane!!

Why do we have to be perfect? And what does that mean anyway? There is always something not quite right in anyone's world... so why do people highlight it, underline it and put loads of explanation marks by it? Is this the British cultural way of always having to point out what is going wrong? I don't know.

But you are right, think what a better world it would be if we were all supporting each other :)

Go Divas!

[Beryl Whiting]

Thanks for this thought provoking blog. I don't know what having it all would mean. I am learning to settle for enjoying what I have in the moment and thanking the Universe for all that it brings me, without judging whether it is good or bad. I am blessed with good health, a loving husband and children, a roof over my head, enough food for each meal, wonderful friends, a fulfilling business, fresh air, and a cuddly cat! What else does a girl need? Of course 'wants' are something different. Once you can make the distinction between wants and needs, you are on the road to satisfaction. Blog again soon please. Beryl